Green with envy

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(This is a humorous column I wrote for the Berthoud Weekly Surveyor newspaper. It appeared in the July 8, 2010 edition)

I like colorful clothing, within reason. Surprisingly, even as a guy, I am able to pick out most of my own clothes and feel reasonably certain they combinations match when I step out the door.

I was somewhat befuddled about colors of shirts when I was leafing through a clothing mail-order catalog that found its way to our mailbox recently. Green is not my favorite color but I noticed a wide array of men’s shirts in the catalog that had some variation of the color green. This is confusing to me and many of my male counterparts.

Let me give you some examples. One color was dark basil. I think there is basil in some Italian food but I don’t know exactly what color it is.  And, I sure don’t know what dark basil means.  Does that mean there is a light basil color too?

 The copywriters did the same thing with some clothing that was light sage. Is there a medium sage? Dark sage?

Closely related to the basil, at least in name was herb. Are herbs all different colors? Hey, don’t some say marijuana is a herb? “Look at my new pot shirt, guys.”

Staying with the food theme, the pages showed nice shirts that they said were olive. Now that is a color I know, even though I don’t eat olives. Then I turned the page and found a polo shirt that was green olive. Is that not redundant?

Part way into the 20 pages of men’s wear, I found a garment that was apple in color.  The apples in our refrigerator range from red to orange to green. 

I had to take a breath when I spied the green shirt that said it was clover. I know that a four-leaf clover is green but where I grew up a yard with clover in it was white or purple.

I caught a break on some of the hues. Evergreen is a color I can relate along with  evergreen and pine and maybe even forest green.

Things turned sour when I saw a picture of a stack of sports shirts that were sprig and cactus. First of all, I haven’t a clue what a sprig is or looks like, and the cacti I have seen vary greatly in color. Do they realize men are looking at this stuff?  I guess the company figures the wives or girlfriends buy the shirts.

Bravely, I tried to finish reading the sales brochure. Another color that confused me was slate green.  Isn’t there also a slate gray color for slacks?  I thought slate was associated with blackboards.  (Remember blackboards before whiteboards and markers?

Being weary of all the green, I spotted some shirts that were blue. Now we are talking.  But wait, there was one labeled dark navy.  I thought navy was navy. What’s a shopper to do?

One response to “Green with envy

  1. I’m not a big fan on wearing green men’s shirts as well, even though I have been told it brings out my eye color.